A Toddler + A Baby: What They Don't Tell You

If you look it up, there are about a million articles about what you should do for/with your toddler when you're having a baby. I even wrote one myself! They're full of sage advice about not holding the baby when your toddler enters the hospital room, never pushing the toddler away from you, entertaining the toddler while nursing the newborn... Reading these things, I thought I can totally do this. I'm not worried. My kid is awesome. She will handle this just fine.  There aren't words to describe how totally naive and wrong I was. Gemma has not and is not handling this just fine. And it turns out that that is completely normal.

She's hitting, saying hateful things, crying at the drop of a hat, being insanely clingy... all things she's never done before. Not even a little... She's a different kid than she was 12 days ago and it is breaking my heart. My initial reaction was to step up the discipline. That completely back fired but I didn't realize it until she was falling apart and asking me, Momma please put the baby down... 

So I'm rewriting my tips for bringing a baby home to your toddler....

1. Don't give in to the guilt you feel.

It's gonna be really hard to come back from that if you do. You're what, one week postpartum? You had your stomach sliced open or pushed a human out of your body... Lots of grace. That's what you need. Not Guilt.

2. Your kid won't die, or be emotionally damaged for life.

It really seems like it, it really really really does seem like it and there have been so many moments in these past days that I have felt like the worst possible mother but I'm not. I know I'm not and my kids know I'm not. In between the melt downs there has been such joy and thankfully, mercifully those are the moments that will shine in their memories. It's a true gift that the good far outweighs the bad in our hearts.

3. Take it easy, over achiever.

I took the kids to the park this week. I was 7 days postpartum, not allowed to carry the car seat, not allowed to drive... according to my husband barely allowed to breathe and I snuck out anyways. Gemma wanted to run, she wanted to swing on the monkey bars, she wanted to be a kid and I was tired of telling her no. No, you're being too rough, you're too hyper, you're too loud... I should've filled her pool at home and let her play outside. I drove home in pain and what that did to the rest of the day was really not worth it. My mind is constantly spinning with what needs to be done, usually there's nothing on that mental list for me... Which seems crazy when you say it out loud. I did just have a baby after all... 

4. Be more patient than you've ever been in your life.

When the toddler hits her brother or sister, when she tells you no repeatedly, when she forgets all the manners she knew so well a week ago, be patient... Be quiet and kind in your correction. Be merciful... This wasn't my natural reaction and it's taken me almost two weeks to realize that for every action of mine there is going to be a magnified reaction from Gemma, whether its positive or negative... My behavior determines their behavior. I'm doing my best to remember these things...

5. Brace Yourself
For moments like these... Your already tender heart will begin to swell like never before. There is more love in these moments and these days than there will ever be again. It may not look, sound, or feel like it but it's the truth. Especially if this is your last baby... Take the time to dwell in them.


Photo by Keith Davis Photography

 

XOXO
Miranda