Gemma has always played so well by herself. I spend a lot of time playing with her and trying to encourage pretend play, but now she does it all by herself and that really has to be one of the most rewarding parts of parenting.
I've never felt sad about her not having a younger sibling and you all know we never planned to give her one but now that we are I couldn't be more excited for her! She has Jude and Jaden but they aren't with us all of the time and I know she gets lonely. I was the baby in my family for 18 years! I remember wanting to be with my big sister constantly. I also remember how annoying that was for her in the beginning! But now we're best friends. We've been through everything together. That relationship is so special and I'm really excited for Gemma to have that.
On the other hand, she has been my shadow, my constant throughout a lot of alone time as Brandon traveled for work or the big kids were away... It's been her and I for so long. She has been more special to me than I ever imagined she would be and I know that's because she was my first baby. I know that the next one will definitely measure up but I worry a lot about splitting my time between them and making sure Gemma feels as important as she is...
Turns out I'm not alone. There are lots of moms who feel this way after their first, in fact I think most women do... I found some great articles about it and I compiled a list of my favorite advice! I'm sharing these before baby girl comes as a point of reference for myself during our first days together as a family of six and also because I know I have readers who are having a second or third baby soon or already have had one and are having my same concerns!
1. Include Older Siblings
I'm anticipating this to be a big deal for Gemma because of how involved she is in baby preparations already. Jude and Jaden loved helping with Gemma. Jude especially loves babies and small kids and he's so good with them. He was actually the reason I started pumping. He loved bottle-feeding her so much... He was actually a huge help. The sight of little Jude with even littler Gemma being burped over his shoulder is one I will never forget!
2. One on One Time
Right now this is all our time together so I know that I have to be realistic and accept and embrace the change. I've started purposefully encouraging Gemma to go to Brandon at times when she'd usually come to me so that when the baby is here and I'm not available she won't feel ignored. Turns out this is backfiring majorly because now, unless the sky is falling, she goes to him instead of me!
3. Distractions
This is one of those low down sneaky mom tricks but I can totally believe that it works. Gemma's birthday party is two weeks before the baby comes. Someone suggested leaving some presents unopened and putting them away so when the time comes that I'm alone with all four kids and Gemma's having a hard time I can pull out a present and distract her with it. I can get done whatever it is I'm working on and she'll be pleasantly surprised with a 'new' toy!
4. Family Time
We've considered putting Gemma in preschool this fall after the baby comes. We haven't made a solid decision but right now I feel like it's just not the best fit for us. The alternative for me is to take advantage of family! If Gemma could spend a morning a week or even a weekend here and there with family I think it would replace a lot of her one on one time with me and it would also be wonderful for me to have a lighter load for a few hours! I've always felt that because I'm not a working mom sending her with someone is a lot like shirking my responsibilities. (Yes, I've been told a million times that this is ridiculous...) Something tells me I'll be a lot less inclined to feel that way with a newborn AND a toddler.
5. Good Old Fashioned Patience
So many moms say that in the first days you need to be more patient than you ever have in your life and remember to give yourself a break. When we brought Gemma home I was borderline neurotic over laundry and if the kids had their vitamins and if we had a bag packed for the pool... Ridiculous. Not only was I recovering from major surgery I was a mom for the first time and way too hard on myself. Thankfully Brandon was there and basically said "Pump your breaks, psycho. Go to bed." He's a real gem. Hopefully I can be more relaxed this time! For everyone's sake!
Sending calm thoughts and well wishes to all of you with new babies at home!
XOXO
Miranda
On the other hand, she has been my shadow, my constant throughout a lot of alone time as Brandon traveled for work or the big kids were away... It's been her and I for so long. She has been more special to me than I ever imagined she would be and I know that's because she was my first baby. I know that the next one will definitely measure up but I worry a lot about splitting my time between them and making sure Gemma feels as important as she is...
Turns out I'm not alone. There are lots of moms who feel this way after their first, in fact I think most women do... I found some great articles about it and I compiled a list of my favorite advice! I'm sharing these before baby girl comes as a point of reference for myself during our first days together as a family of six and also because I know I have readers who are having a second or third baby soon or already have had one and are having my same concerns!
1. Include Older Siblings
I'm anticipating this to be a big deal for Gemma because of how involved she is in baby preparations already. Jude and Jaden loved helping with Gemma. Jude especially loves babies and small kids and he's so good with them. He was actually the reason I started pumping. He loved bottle-feeding her so much... He was actually a huge help. The sight of little Jude with even littler Gemma being burped over his shoulder is one I will never forget!
2. One on One Time
Right now this is all our time together so I know that I have to be realistic and accept and embrace the change. I've started purposefully encouraging Gemma to go to Brandon at times when she'd usually come to me so that when the baby is here and I'm not available she won't feel ignored. Turns out this is backfiring majorly because now, unless the sky is falling, she goes to him instead of me!
3. Distractions
This is one of those low down sneaky mom tricks but I can totally believe that it works. Gemma's birthday party is two weeks before the baby comes. Someone suggested leaving some presents unopened and putting them away so when the time comes that I'm alone with all four kids and Gemma's having a hard time I can pull out a present and distract her with it. I can get done whatever it is I'm working on and she'll be pleasantly surprised with a 'new' toy!
4. Family Time
We've considered putting Gemma in preschool this fall after the baby comes. We haven't made a solid decision but right now I feel like it's just not the best fit for us. The alternative for me is to take advantage of family! If Gemma could spend a morning a week or even a weekend here and there with family I think it would replace a lot of her one on one time with me and it would also be wonderful for me to have a lighter load for a few hours! I've always felt that because I'm not a working mom sending her with someone is a lot like shirking my responsibilities. (Yes, I've been told a million times that this is ridiculous...) Something tells me I'll be a lot less inclined to feel that way with a newborn AND a toddler.
5. Good Old Fashioned Patience
So many moms say that in the first days you need to be more patient than you ever have in your life and remember to give yourself a break. When we brought Gemma home I was borderline neurotic over laundry and if the kids had their vitamins and if we had a bag packed for the pool... Ridiculous. Not only was I recovering from major surgery I was a mom for the first time and way too hard on myself. Thankfully Brandon was there and basically said "Pump your breaks, psycho. Go to bed." He's a real gem. Hopefully I can be more relaxed this time! For everyone's sake!
Sending calm thoughts and well wishes to all of you with new babies at home!
XOXO
Miranda
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